It has been too long since my last post. A ton has happened since...oh about 2 years ago now... and I am a mother of two amazing 18 month old twin boys. They truly are the light of my life. Before, I would always come to you about healthy eating and how to make oh so yummy dishes. This time it's going to go a little different. Don't get me wrong that was fun, but now I think its time for a change. It has nothing to do with you ....and all to do with me...really.
That being said......we need to talk. These past 7 weeks my heart has been aching, and when I say aching I mean I can literally feel the pain jumping through my chest. It is for something so much bigger than myself. A little boy not but 4 months older than my own babies is having the fight of his life. I know, I know, PLEASE not a ANOTHER sad story posted on the blogosphere or somebody's Facebook page. After a while it gets exhausting and frankly too hard to read every single story or hard time someone is going through. So, why is my story different then, because I actually care about this one. Yes, yes you can call me a horrible person and say "you mean you don't care about the countless other stories and tragic events you read or hear?" And the answer is No. If I'm being honest it is very hard for me to sympathize with every single unjust thing that happens because there are so many of them. I have learned to shut myself off from them and not let them take root. Now, you may look at me and think that's a bad thing, to close yourself off from the world like that, and I agree it is, but you see I have this what I like to call "super power", I tend to listen to heart-wrenching stories and quite literally take on the burden of the person that is going through it. AND. IT. IS. EXHAUSTING. I have learned over the years that God has blessed me with such a deep care for peoples stories so I can pray for them and give the burden to God, but if I'm not careful I take the burden on myself and well, that makes me a quite sad and moody individual.
So let me tell you about Maksim. I don't even know him, but I feel like he's one of my own. Maybe that's because my "super power" is kicking in or maybe its because his eyes remind me of my own baby, Dax. Whatever it is I feel very connected to this little guy and his story. Even now, as I am typing this my heart is aching and also smiling for how far he is coming in his process. Maksim was rushed to the hospital New Years Eve. The Dr.'s came to the conclusion that Maksim had contracted E-Coli and it was impairing his life severely. Maksim's kidneys were failing and they had to put him on dialysis. They also had to remove a lot of his intestine and colon as it was found to be dead.
When I read the news on this little baby boys journey I immediately wept and begged God to save him. Save him from all the pain he is feeling and doesn't know why. Save him because he is so helpless and innocent. Save him because you are GOD and he is your child. I felt so tied to Maksim's life and everyday, I have been reminded when I feel that ache in my heart that Maksim holds to lift my hands and pray. I don't know what is happening at that moment with him in the hospital, if its a good day or a bad day. If he's weak and barely functioning enough to open his eyes or if he's able to life his head. That's the thing about prayer.. you have to get outside yourself and ask God to do something you know you have absolutely no control over....I believe its called Faith.
Can I just say this, I have been through a whirlwind myself with relocating nearly a 1,000 miles across the country in the past 7 months with two babies, a husband, a dog and a whole-lotta boxes, but nothing, nothing seemed to hit me like Maksim's story. I will be honest and say when I needed to "feel" God the most these past few months...I didn't. When I needed to see a little relief at the end of the day.... I couldn't. Most of that was my fault as I had not taken the time to be with the lover of my soul. But one lonely night I read Maksim's post and I realized how short life can be, I asked myself "what the heck would I do if that was me?" And the pain I felt for that little baby so helpless, not knowing why this was happening to him, was too much to bare and I.LOST.IT. I lost it all, my doubt, my ego, my pain, my childhood baggage, my sense of low self worth, my pride, the way people misunderstood me, who I've always been told I am VS. WHO I REALLY AM. I am redeemed and at that moment I was set free. Free from all the things I was carrying around by myself for the past year and free to be who I was always meant to be.. a daughter, a wife, a mother, an entrepreneur, a self-motivated starter, a cook, a quirky, bubbly women with a child-like demeanor.
Rachel Messerer, we don't even know each other and probably never will, but I want you to know from one mom to another, Maksim restored my faith and relationship with God. Through this horrific and terrifying experience he is doing something that he isn't even aware yet that he is doing, drawing people closer to where they are suppose to be and glorifying God with his story......so tell him THANK YOU. Thank you, for helping me to see what truly matters again. Thank you, for being so strong. Thank you, for letting God use him. Thank you, for giving me a chance to not take another moment for granted. And Rachel, when he's old enough to understand, read him this post and let him know he's changed mine and I'm sure countless others lives with how brave he is. Tell him HIS STORY is the only thing keeping me in perspective some days. Tell him Well done good and faithful, well done!
Please DONATE to the Messerer family by clicking on this link: http://www.gofundme.com/prayformaksim
I bid you farewell and good night, till we meet again...
Candace
